Outcomes

I could not have asked for a better outcome. I am almost 3 months out from my surgery now and I have my life back--whole and intact. Last week I was offered and accepted my full time hospice job again. My re-orientation and transition back to work has gone well, and it's gratifying to be welcomed back by my coworkers and the voices (those on the phone of people I have only "met" that way). My memory is good, I have energy, I don't need naps, and I have no pain. It's a

blessing every single day to fully realize how fortunate I am. There were so many times during the past year when I sat with unknowns and wondered what would happen. Now, it seems like I gained much more than I lost during that time...a change of perspective and ability to see that it was just a trying period of time that passed, as all difficult things do eventually.

Yesterday I talked to the very, very nice Erin at Dr. Kopell's office when I needed to change my follow up appointment. It was great to hear her voice again. She was happy to know how well I am doing now, and it just reinforced again how, for so many reasons, I went to the right place for my care. Seems like a small thing, really, but sometimes all you have is that voice on the phone. Now that I am working again, I get to be that voice on the phone for people, and I hope I am providing people with that solid, reassuring feeling that I got from Erin.

I've been enjoying the gardens at home every day after work and am so pleased with how things are growing. Last summer during my haze, I dug up and planted an area near our main door that I called my "greeting garden." The first year you never really know for sure how it's going to turn out since you are sticking things in here and there and cannot be certain how they'll do. But this spring everything is up, identifiable and thriving. Fitting--seems like a good parallel to how things are going for me, too.

impatiently waiting

Every day I go out a couple times for a walk around the yard, inspecting the perennial beds for signs of growth. A lot has been happening, but it has not been consistently warm here yet, so it seems painstaking to me at times.   I know I am not alone when I saw I just want spring to come and stay!

Developments

About 15 years ago I bought a sleeper sofa from a furniture store that was going out of business in Beaver Dam.   That couch has now seen better days, but is still sturdy and exactly the couch I want.    This week I decided to finally follow through on my plan to get it reupholstered.  The queen sized sleeper is going to be removed and there will be some kind of insert put in its place, which will make it easier to move.  In this picture I am holding the fabric samples for the couch itself and the pillows.  That fabric in front makes me unbelievably happy--big round flowers and pretty tans, oranges and cream colors.   So I paid 1/2 down and am on the work list, waiting our turn and expecting to have it done sometime mid-summer.    This process was so much fun and stress free compared to the job of couch shopping and paying out pots of money for something that's probably not made as well as the couch that already fits us!

Liz went to prom last night although you would not know that by the pictures on our camera.   She had it with her, with the promise of taking at least 10 photos of her and her friends as they got ready, etc.  (I was told not to go to prom since next year it will be her Junior Prom and a bigger deal).  When she came home there were 4-5 pictures of couples dancing and I really only saw one girl's dress full length.  And not one single picture of Liz!!  Grrrrr. 

Yesterday Sarah and I scrapbooked all day and I finished the 2007 family album called "Random Acts of Meind-ness."   Last year with the TN going on I did not scrapbook very much so I got behind and less organized on things like that, so I have a great feeling of satisfaction to have completed this book.  Sarah gave me some great 6x6 paper and her companionship all day,  so it was a gift all the way around.

We adopted two cute bunnies this weekend.  Someone from Jeff's mom's work needed to find homes for them because of an upcoming out of state move.  They are little lop eared bunnies with very calm and sweet dispositions, and they are adjusting well to their new rabbity life under the pines in our backyard.

The best news is that I am going back to work this week.  There are some details to work out first, but I am heading back to hospice to do the same job I was doing before all of this disability happened...I feel like I have almost come full circle.

 

Lima Beans and Other Random Thoughts

This picture was taken around the same time that this quote was recently heard in our kitchen: "I shouldn't have to be subjected to lima beans in my own home!" That's Elizabeth, picking out each and every one before she cooks her frozen vegetables. Truth is, none of us really like lima beans, but no one else has the inclination to go to such great lengths to avoid them. She always has been a determined girl.

I am almost done with the medication reduction, or detox, as I like to think of it. My clarity has returned. My pain has not. I cannot even say how happy that makes me.

Now I am "released" to return to work without restrictions as of May 1. In the formal way things must be done, I am planning to apply for an available position at hospice but am waiting for it to be officially posted. Because I'm still "with the company" as a casual employee, I have some advantage over a brand new applicant off the street. They know me, they know my skills and what I have to offer. I like to think they also like me and want me back, but in talking to HR kinds of people, things sound so much more official and non-relational. Patience is generally a strong suit of mine, and certainly this past year or so has taught me even more of it, but I am feeling ready to re-enter my work world and I hope this process moves along.

With my renewed mental faculties, I can read again for long periods of time. That has been a joy to me. I have been reading Three Cups of Tea, which I find really interesting. It's non-fiction, about a mountain climber who failed an attempt at K2 and instead found a community in Pakistan that needed a school for its children. I love the descriptions of the cultural differences and feel like I'm doing some vicarious travelling. Yesterday I read Water for Elephants, which is a book group choice, and I was so amazed that I liked it. Loved it, really. I knew it was about a circus, and I expected to hate it for that reason. I don't really like circuses. I did enjoy going to Circus World in Baraboo and seeing their show and all of the historical buildings and museum things, but when the circus comes to town, I avoid it. Why? Because I feel bad for the animals. So even though this book certainly contained some situations that made me feel the same way, the characters were so well defined and so interesting to me. I could not put it down. And lucky for me, tonight is book group and I will discuss it with my book women.

I just found out that the principal at the girls' school has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Prayers are being asked for, and I extend that request here too. The school did not release a lot of information but the kids have all been informed, and now it's just time to ask for healing and I am especially concerned that she have comfort with the fear she might be feeling.

Finding Normal Again

This is the time of year that Chance blends into the scenery, and I love that. It adds more interest to a walk with him because when he goes off into a ditch or a field, I have to look harder to find him even if he's only a few yards away. It's appropriate, too that a year ago at this time I was in pretty bad shape and I had to look hard to find hope in that situation of pain and fear of the unknown with trigeminal neuralgia. Now, I am moving forward in a really positive direction--coming off of medications, feeling the return of normal energy, having my mind work better, and looking forward to just living every day.

I am actually reluctant to talk about the progress of the med reduction because so far I have had no TN pain whatsoever. I still feel like there's some chance it could be there, underneath the medication I still have on board, and I don't want to get too confident! Still, there's no reason to expect pain---Dr.Kopell did everything to correct the problem. Every single day think about how amazing that is.

Taking the Time

When the kids were younger and more prone to complaining about going to church, I reminded them that God is only asking for one hour. Putting it into that kind of perspective made it seem more reasonable to them and certainly provided less fodder for fussing about it. Holy Week is also spring break this year, and yes, we are in church a lot. And they are NOT complaining! I think they are appreciating their faith and the opportunities to worship, which are special just because they are normal for us.

As I have started feeling better and looking forward to having a regular life again, I have noticed how much less time I am spending on my own to just be quiet, centered, prayerful. I have been feeling bad about it. When I needed so much every day to deal with the pain strikes and the difficult changes in life and the worry and anxiety and then the surgery issues, my connection to God was front and center. I reached out continually and recognized the many gifts I was being given, even in the heat of the moment (there's nothing like relief of pain even for a small period of time to incite a heartfelt and meaningful thank you). I know the connection is not gone. I am just feeling like I have to maintain a finer awareness now, to be purposeful about it since it looks like life is taking a turn back toward normalcy, and unfortunately that's got a flip side which consumes time unless I have a definite faith practice built in.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

Felt GoodToday

Today marks 4 weeks since surgery, and I feel good. In fact, I think it's the best I have felt since then. Still dealing with numbness but no TN pain at all. Last week my neurologist reduced my meds significantly and there are no bad effects from that at all. I like this.