New Beginnings

Well, we're firmly into the new year now, along with everybody else. I write the date about a hundred times a day at work in my charting, so I have gotten pretty good at remembering it is 2010 now. I think a lot in terms of where I was last year at this time--stoned on meds, having pain, waiting for surgery, subduing anxiety any way I could think of, and sleeping a lot. What a difference a year makes.

This weekend I am going to be on a scrapbooking retreat with some women I know and whose company I enjoy a lot. I'm planning to work on my TN book. The process of capturing those numerous months through the course of dealing with that will be a good creative exercise for me and the effort of making a personal scrapbook about the experience is a way to reflect on and acknowledge it but also to put it to bed, so to speak.

I had a realization last week when I met with my new doctor for my first visit with him. He was actually the chief resident when I was hospitalized for TN pain in April 2008, and he remembered me from that. As he was going through his interview, he, of course, acknowledged my weight (also known facetiously as my "new personal best") and asked what I wanted to do about that. I was honest and said that I am not happy that I am this heavy but I really don't want to do anything about it. Then I told him that with the whole TN situation being resolved, I have for several months sort of thought I had a pass on other potential health problems. You know, I already had a really horrendous illness and recovered, so that should be it! Silly girl! I think I came to the alarming realization that there is no such thing as safety from bad stuff happening again, and now I just have to live with that.

And take some action on my weight issue.