Self-Doubt,I Guess

Since I last posted, there have been many good days and some that I would have to call difficult just because of an increase in shocking. It's not as bad as it has been in the past, triggered only by a few things instead of the whole list of things. I guess the thing that makes it difficult for me is that I try to figure out why it is happening again after weeks of comfort and good pain control from my meds. Is it that time of the month? Is it an impending sinus infection or cold? Have I had too much caffiene? Am I more stressed for some reason? Not getting enough sleep? Are my medications losing effectiveness---if so, where do I go next? Does this increase in pain mean it will only keep getting worse or settle down again without upping my med dose somehow? The only one of these things that has ever been sort of proven in my case has to do with the medications wearing off. That situation is well-documented in my case and in the things I have read about trigeminal neuralgia, so I assume it's that. But I still wonder and suspect these other kinds of things as possible explanations. Sometimes I picture the inside of my head and imagine some big old artery pulsing away in there, provoking my innocent cranial nerve #5 which is just minding its own business...and I get back to a place of questioning my decisions and wondering if I am doing the right things. Maybe I should have tried harder to change my diet or take more vitamins, or stick with acupuncture longer (oh, what a great unexpected choice of words!), or meditate, or try the upper cervical chiropractic treatments, pray more, or just live with it until I really can't stand it anymore. I know of people and have "met" people online who suffer more than I do and have for many years. What is that all about?

Having said all that, let me say that the many good days have included some great bleacher sitting and visiting with Columbus parents who have become good and caring friends, a couple of good part-time days at work being a real hospice social worker again, hanging out at home with the kids and Jeff, reading with my goddaughter Clara, and finding the best purse ever at Kohl's. I'll post a photo and that story sometime soon--if I can remember that.

Oh, and still waiting for the date from Froedtert...