Random Thoughts

Well, things settled down again for a couple of days, which was nice. Then today I had some zapping in the morning and approaching lunchtime, which I accepted since it was getting near the time to take my meds. Then as the afternoon wore on, it was intensifying a bit and at almost 4pm in the midst of a busy day of working and then picking up kids and such I realized I had forgotten to take my medicine at 1pm. So I guess that serves me right.

Work was great today. I visited with 2 patients and one caregiver/spouse. They were good visits, filled with the things they needed to talk about, all which related to loss of identity and role changes in families and trying to accept their body's changes. I could understand these things so much better now than a year or two ago. One person spoke a lot about adopting a way of seeing things and being very positive and surrounding herself with people. She was remembering a friend she had who'd been quite debilitated over time with MS, who was interested in life, maintained friendships, and genuinely had a happy disposition through it all. This lady I met today really holds her friend up as an example of how she is trying to be. That really hit something in me. I know that a positive attitude is a huge factor in getting through tough circumstances, and I think I try to get there too by staying invested and active in my family's life and holding on to friendships, but I don't think I'm doing well enough at it. Plus the skeptic in me says, well maybe that woman just didn't let others see her pain...

I have seen so many people who behind the scenes let out a lot of pain and distress to me because I am a safe person to do that with. They say things they don't say to their family, for fear of making them sad or burdening them. I appreciate being able to receive that from them when they need to unload or sort something out. During this whole TN situation I have been able to unload my worries and my fears on a whole list of people (including God, who definitely does not deserve to be in parentheses), and they all help me come back to the only thing I know for sure--all any of us has is TODAY. That realization and a few nice deep breaths will always get me back on track.