PAIN is a pain

If I write about pain every time I post something, nobody would want to read this. I sometimes try to give a basic overview of how things are and get on to another subject if I can. That's sort of how life with trigeminal neuralgia is anyway--pain can either control your life or not. In the past several weeks my pain has been growing more frequent and more severe but not getting so in the way that I couldn't still do some of the things I wanted. Like work--I have actually had several really nice part-days at work seeing hospice patients. I've even been thinking, well, it's GOOD to have this pain because it's a reminder of why I'm having surgery. And when I wake up from surgery and don't have this pain, I will know the surgery worked.

Well, now I am thinking I'd prefer to have no pain at all and even if it is only 2 weeks to wait until surgery, this is a really sucky way to live. I'm on my 4th day of really bad pain. It hurts in my teeth again, I'm getting jolts and zaps and what I'd have to call "attacks" throughout the day--with the usual hygiene things but also with moving my mouth a certain way, moving my head, changing position from lying to sitting or reverse, and talking. Getting kisses is a tentative, right-sided operation and giving them almost out of the question right now.

I have had another med increase. More neurontin, which helps the burning pain but not so much the electrical zaps. It's also sedating. I have about an hour or two in between med doses when I feel better, but otherwise it's not good. I am going to need more help than this.
I am staying as quiet as I can since it hurts to talk. I am trying to stay positive and calm, knowing that I can weather this. But I have things I want to do before surgery to prepare
myself and my family and it's really hard to think about things besides how bad the zaps are going to be and when the next one is coming.

My prayers are for strength and patience and the ability to see further ahead to a place of good health where this will all be in the past. If you are a praying person, I'd love some help with this. Thanks.