Those nice people at Froedtert! Not only do they provide a nice comfy MRI machine but they also give you a great cushion under your knees and provide a very mind-quieting hum for about 45 minutes so a person can nap while all the 'thin slicing' is going on. My book club friends who have read Blink with me will think of thin slicing as something different, but in terms of my brain and my nerves, this means a very, very close look at what's going on in there.
Results will come next week in my consult visit with Dr. Kopell. I am glad the time is finally come and in general I feel comfortable now. I got pain free at the end of November again, and then just as I was forgetting what it felt like, did get one electrical zinger on Christmas night. That was just a reminder, I guess.
I have been really at ease with all of this lately except for the game of "what if" that I play once in a while (more accurately--sometime each day). Mainly this game involves asking myself, "What if the MRI shows nothing wrong?" Then I play out all the possible scenarios of treatment choices and all the regrets of treatment choices that have already been made to get to this point. Invariably I get to the same spot I have been in for a long time, the place of uncertainty about anything other than this place in time right now. Then I am able to stop the worrying and questioning (otherwise known as my anxiety) and settle on the fact that I cannot know everything right now and that I will make the best decisions for me based on what the doctor tells me, which is incidentally why I am consulting with him in the first place.
So, it's about taking a deep breath or two, acknowledging how things are right now and letting the rest go...for now.
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1 comment:
I am taking a deep breath with you, Lynn. And praying for you.
Love, Melissa
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